Church Chimer Gifts

"Alright, who's the ringleader?"

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

"Do you think the birds like me?"

You're the olive in my martini

"We missed you at church Sunday."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'May I have the key to your heart?'

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"Ding" "Dong"

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

'Perhaps he's heard we're losing our churchwarden.'

'Next time the pastor asks if you know what his sermon was about, the answer is not about three hours.'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"I don't see why divine intervention and government intervention have to be mutually exclusive."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"Bob, you've been warned before. You can't come to prayer just to gather gossip material."

'I really can't think of a blessed thing to preach about this morning, so I'll entertain questions from the floor.'

'A funny thing happened to me on the way to the church tonight..'

'Look, Brother Timothy - a sign from God!'

"Turn to page 12 for our non-binary singalong."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"We learned in Sunday School about how Cain whacked Abel."

"...lettuce pray."

"But if you teach him to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."