Church Attendant T-Shirts

"Now comes the downside to this job - I need the toilet!"

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

Nun Binning the Devil

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

CCTV in church.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"It's a cup holder."

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'What do you call money that slides off the collection plate?'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

'And then the Lord proclaimed, in a loud, thunderous voice...'

'There'll be a special meeting of the board concerning the recent generous contribution of stock.'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

"...And for anyone who forgot to bring something for the collection..."

"He's highly qualified to be our new associate pastor but he wants all weekends and holidays off - the same days I want off."

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"You're correct, God doesn't need your tithe, but the church does."

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

Holy Roller Church: We accept all denominations, but we are especially fond of $20, $50, $100, & $500...

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate