Christmas Specials Pillows

Hooray for Christmas telly!

'They all want to play the star.'

Cut Price

'You know who's been naughty and who's been nice? -- you're not using DNA evidence, are you?'

Orderly Conduct of Sales

"We're having a special today on bright futures."

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Giant Sale!

"It's my family's special recipe, passed down through generations on the cream cheese package."

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

Hip hop Santa.

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

"Maybe this year..."

Your dad is a union man, isn't he?

Pantomime dame: 'Has anyone seen my successful TV and film career?' Audience: 'It's behind you!'

'Special offer today -TWO for one, sir!'

"I don't care what your father said, Santa likes milk and cookies NOT beer and pretzels!"

'And this war game comes with an AK 47.'

Clothes sale - everything must go!

Sale today - 50% off everything!

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

'Shove' (at big sale).

'My Christmas bonus.'

Sale! Everything Reduced!

All Our Furniture Genuinely Reduced!!!!

"I thought you might like to have a merrier brain for the new millennium!"

'OK, now, drag him to the change room and find his wallet. Let's see if he has enough money to buy a new outfit.'

"Just relax, take a deep breath and tell Mommy and Daddy which plate of brownies you left out."

'The best things in life are buy one get one free.'

Christmas Cracker Joke Editor.

"Oh, yes, I've been good...relatively speaking!"

Santa contemplates whether or not to leave presents.

'That reminds me, we need more bandwidth.'

DIY milk and cookies