Christmas Nostalgist Gifts

Santa sends it all by FedEx.

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

'How do you like my two-tone car?'

"The floors are hot lava, but the apartment does come furnished with plenty of pillows."

The Last Non E-Book In The World.

If you give a mouse a french cookie

I love the way barbecues take you back to nature.

'If only Darwin could have seen this!'

"You can still go over the river and through the woods, but it's cheaper to fly."

Rapunzel as a child.

"It's just not the same."

I suppose industrial pollution is the price of progress, but I still miss that old world atmosphere.

The Old Elves Home

"This year has been a disaster. But, my breaking point was when Apple TV+ hijacked 'It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown,' away from network television."

'Mail order? You said all the toys were hand-made!'

"I'm looking for a day care provider. . . besides TV."

Boys happy playing and singing in the snow and ice

"Someday we'll look back on these and-times and be really envious."

'Dad...why would I ever want to get out of the first grade? I love first grade!'

'I miss fighting who gets the front page of the paper first.'

"That's the only letter you received in the mail. Kids no longer write letters. They email or text."

"O.K., now, when a teacher comes out, everybody look straight up."

'Elm and Oak? The streets were named after trees that were here before the developers cut them down.'

Snowglobe In Summer

'Aye lad, I remember when this was all snow.'

"I'm afraid he may not recover. Even this special tonic didn't help! Andale! Let's take a picture...so we can remember the joy he brought into this house!"

"...and I'm saying we would've been here a lot quicker if we had used the SatNav rather than follow that stupid star."

Talking christmas tree

Victorian mother and daughter.

'Your problem is that you're a Johnny Carson guy in a Jay Leno world.'

'Remember when Christmas came after hallowe'en?'

Times Change in Camden Town

'It's so cruel the way they break it to you, Not, 'school starts tomorrow', but 'tonight's a school night','

Sounds of the snowplow

"It's 2020. What do you want?"