Christmas Junkie Gifts

What do you wish for next year?

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

Excess Baggage: You never have to worry about finding your way around those humongous new cruise ships. Your stomach will lead you.

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"There's more to life than beer and football...I just can remember what it is."

Internet Cafe

"We interrupt this advertisement to bring you another advertisement that has just been rushed to the studio."

"Can't stop watching. That ribbon is amaaazing..."

"Say hi to your mother for me and tell her I'm happy her bypass turned out O.K

Holiday Gifts 2020

America's funniest investment scams

'He's in training for the Olympics'

How to get on talk shows by promoting your new book

Wall mountable TVs.

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"'60 Minutes' is on."

'Kids, let's pause and give thanks to that higher power that keeps this family together...our internet service provider.'

"I see myself as a lot like Garbo, but very much a people person!"

"Remember me, Mister 'too much bacon is never enough?'"

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

"Honey, Clay Buchholz is about to cement a Cy Young!"

"Let's give those new bulbs a try."

This program is made possible by donations from Don and Mary Doughaberg, and from lowlifes like you who never get their names mentioned.