Christmas Debater Pillows

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Why Santa might be a republican

'Does anybody ever ask you what you want for Christmas?'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

The Shakespeares Dine Out.

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

Corruption trial in the Vatican

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

Equal Time for All Christians

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

Actual Results May Vary

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Woman protesting to Free-Kirk pastor about a church organ