Christmas Debater Prints

"Wow! My calculations show that on Christmas night, Santa Claus will visit 1 house every .83 seconds!"

Why Santa might be a republican

'Does anybody ever ask you what you want for Christmas?'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Let me get this, but keep in mind that you'll pay for it in other, more subtle ways later on."

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Nobody goes there anymore.' 'Because it's too crowded.'

Corruption trial in the Vatican

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

'I'll be late for dinner - a shelf fell on me.'

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

'And just how much is silver going for a troy ounce these days?'

"You ordered mammoth again?"

Actual Results May Vary

"The social conservative in me tells me to pay for dinner, but the fiscal conservative thinks we should split it."

'I wouldn't say you're boring, Chuck, but you're the only person I know who records The Weather Channel.'

'I hate them too. Listen, would you like to go out sometime? Dinner maybe? We could complain about the service.'

Woman protesting to Free-Kirk pastor about a church organ

'Will you stop going BAAAAA every time I eat a piece of lamb!'

"When you say 'the same', do you mean worse or better?"

"Sister Coney Barrett, the other sttlers wonder if maybe you misunderstood the basic concept?"