Chocolate Lab Humorist Pillows

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Dog Hunting Trophies.

"I thought you wanted me to change."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Ugh—someone in the group chat must have seen a squirrel."

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'I wish they'd hurry up and fix the wind tunnel.'

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

"Yeah well, now that we're married, he's not making any effort: he hasn't been to a grooming appointment in months!"

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'If we were in the Renaissance, we'd be painting nativity scenes right now.'

Happy Bifurcation Day,

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Dogs texting each other emojis

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

'You knew I was a mad scientist when you married me!'

"I need a hip replacement but I believe they're looking at a dog replacement."

"What SPF sunscreen do you suggest for lying around in a sunny spot?"

Frankenfish

Bacterial Cultural Center

'Dude, that big creepy eye is back.'

'The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your actions.'

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

'We've proven without a doubt, that this particle has a negative charge. Unfortunately, an accelerator in Switzerland has proven, without a doubt, that it has a positive charge.'

DNA Xmas.

The Curiosity Mars rover is seen killing a cat: 'Mission accomplished.'

"He says he can quit anytime, but I'm starting to worry."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Dead Cat Balloon

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

'He's making tremendous progress. last week he had three tails.'

'It took some doing, but I finally traced my roots back to the first amoeba.'

Bacterial Culture