Children's Social Dynamics Gifts

"Face it Tyler, you're going to have to walk back those comments about Andrew's mom."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Relationship Warning Lights

Suzie would later win a Nobel Prize for her Law of Special Social Relativity.

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Emotion of Mr. Kenwigs on hearing the family news from Nicholas

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy'. You in?"

"So, what do you do for play?"

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

That party went well.

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"Tom, I’d like you to meet Chris. Chris is better than you."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"You never told me your dad was so delightfully old-fashioned."

"How to talk to people" "Make them rue the day"

Children's Party

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

'It's time to move out when Mom says...'

'I prefer the term 'whistleblower' to tattletale.'

"I'll go to my room and do my homework, but I want time and a half."

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

Ask Sadie Advice Hour. What's your problem?! I don't want to vaccinate my kids. But my husband does. What do I do? Excellent question. It reminds me of the time Mother Cohen and Father Cohen were arguing about vaccinating us kids. Father Cohen accused her of being a pawn of the Illuminati's attempt to use diphtheria to mutate us into ape-people. Mother Cohen accused him of being anti-Darwinian. That's when Father Cohen brought up her illicit fling with Chuck Darwin, and all heck broke loose. Um

"Get up at 7; leave for school by 8; no video games until after homework is done -- how about some regulatory relief?"

"My daughter tells me you want to become a doctor."

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

"This is not what I meant when I said you needed to practice your play fighting..."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"Raymond's prospects look good, Daddy. . . He's pretty sure he's picked all six lotto numbers!"

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."