Childhood Rival Mugs

My new year's resolution is to ask Jimmy Doohan's sister to hold hands with me. Mine is to tell Jimmy Doohan's sister where your hands have been, so she'll hold hands with me instead

'I'm not playing house with Jennifer any more -- she always wins!'

Polygamists' Picnic

"He loves his leaf blower."

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'Wanna see my tadpole collection?'

The Sculptor

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'You'll never be the next Micheal Phelps if you don't start working on your breaststroke.'

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

"There's my very first school - where I learned how to hug."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"It's childhood. Your child has childhood."

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

'Stop crying or Mom will think we're not having fun!'

'How do you expect them to treat you in a mature way with that thing in your mouth?'

Technically, no, dear, your brother isn't plagiarizing you. ABC. ABC.

"Hey, Frankie, remember me? Summer of '88—we were twelve and you buried me up to my neck and left me to die."

Little schoolboy enjoys picking his nose.

'Peabody, Yomp, Lee, Brodski & Dirkshaw...buddies since 4th grade.

"An area where a specific species lives. . . like my older sister in the bathroom."

"I'm for universal coverage but not for cats."

"When I was 5 years old, I put all my money in a pickle jar. Of course, my money was soggy and the pickles tasted funny."

"I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed all my brothers and sisters."

"Mom always liked you best."

Trick Number 9: plant valuables in his room...in case you need a reason for a quick getaway.