Childhood Freedom Gifts

Playpen Jailbreak.

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

Carefree luggage.

"There was no other choice, Mom. It was a double dog dare."

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

Swinging

"I'll be a little late. I'm working a double shift."

'Mom, don't you understand? Those collars are symbols of subservience and repression!'

'Come on, I dare you: I say you can't drink a whole dew drop...'

"You know who's tougher than all your little superheroes? The fossil fuel industry."

'He's maturing early.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

Government a la Carte

Teddy bear with a red balloon.

"Can Olaf come out to pillage and plunder?"

Tree house.

Statue of Liberty with satellite dish and laptop spying on the World.

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'The the President we've gone surfin', surfin' U,S,A,'

"And with you on guard, I won't have to worry about that monster under my bed."

"Recess does things to a man."

"I'm doing whatever I feel like doing, before I reach the age of accountability."

'You have no idea how hard I've gotta work just to maintain my indie cred around here!'

'Don't touch that tooth, dad. I'm expecting the tooth fairy at any moment.'

"And my client will be seeking significant damages for being mistakenly placed in the naughty column!"

He wanted a different one.

'I want to chuck all the spelling and math and just get back to playing with blocks.'

Oh, no

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"I didn't say my prayers, but I e-mailed God earlier."

"We both see Ben as this summer's breakout child."