Childhood Chaos Tamer Gifts

'Yeah, it was wonderful to have the kids home the whole summer.'

Storm in the out tray

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

"She was right -- Her teddy bear did squish your action figure!"

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"The children took off their own coats this morning, Pastor."

'Actually, they're pretty nice, once they settle down.'

'Why am I not surprised that this section is always the most disorganized?'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

The weightless office.

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"Listen up and listen up good, 'cause I'm only going to say this a million times."

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

The Clipping

"There's you panicking about monkeys all over the car and they haven't come anywhere near us!"

File room: A subsidiary of the black hole of the universe

'Except...That.'

'Shhhhh...He's preparing for the holiday season.'

Wonder Woman!

Why children, apples and honey should not be left unsupervised.

Landslide Hazard

Desk Tray: 'In One Ear' and 'Out The Other'

"Show Daddy what you learnt at Kung fu"

After a lifetime of chasing that elusive creature, Alvin stopped to reassess his time management skills.

Mum feeds teens with shovel

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

"I downloaded the Laugh Track app yo soften mom when I give her my lame excuse."