Child's Speech Milestone Pillows

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'At lone at last.'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"We tried 'Baby Mozart,' but he prefers 'Baby John Cage.'"

'Sure, I took your shovel. Ethics doesn't kick in for a year or two.'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

"Mum, Dad, I think I might be bipedal."

"We're hoping that someday Rosalie will be a major player in the creative economy."

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

It's nothing to worry about - many kids his age have trouble with the letter S.

Sparkler

Dominant hand reveal party

"Wait, so his first whole sentence was 'I don't want to work, I just want to bang on the drum all day'?!"

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Eagle parenting.

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'The baby cut a tooth today.'

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"

'I bronzed his first pair of running shoes.'

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey - it's part of the aging process.'