Child's Growth Milestones Gifts

Don

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

"Here's the baby's first birthday, her second, her third, look at her gifts..."

'Baby's first two-step.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

One!

"Wait! I don't want to be disease resistant!"

"As it's your birthday, would you like to go in the Big Chair?"

"No, it's still just a thirst for spaghettios."

Eagle parenting.

"Charles, look! He’s sending his first text!"

Dominant hand reveal party

'I think you're ready for the big chair...'

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'We think he has a future in politics.'

Sparkler

"We're a great team, Sash—you with your small and large motor skills, me with my spatial awareness and hand-eye coördination."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

'There's been no stopping him since he said his first word this morning!'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

They were American tourists, visiting gay Paree...and yet this was a Mexican stand off??

'How old? He's 14 months, 3 days, 7 hours and 16 seconds... 17... 18...'

At 4 years old most kids can say easy straightforward sentences.

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"Worthy of an Oscar don't you think?"

'What do you think you're up to?'

"They're secret service. They appeared the day Billy decided he wanted to be president when he grew up."

'My grandson has been walking from an early age. . . Oh yes, in fact, by the time he was two he'd been walking three years.'

'Don't you think he's a little to young to take up fishing, Ralph?'

"And we're just so proud you're walking to school alone. Aren't we, Harold?"

Haircuts

Baby's first horror movies