Chicken Humorist Pillows

'Personal foul. On the defense. Plucking the passer.'

Hamlet, Chicken of Denmark: 'to cross, or not to cross'

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I didn't know which one to cross."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"You can stop worrying about winding up in a fast food meal. You have an incurable disease."

"Henrietta, go pluck yourself - you're on skins."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"He's no hat and all corgis."

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'I'd like to return this, please.'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

'Mom and dad...if someone threw a rock at me, it would really be like killing two birds with one stone.' 'I told you if we had a child, he'd be a wise-quacker.'

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

No jay walking.

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"