Chicken Humorist Pillows

'Personal foul. On the defense. Plucking the passer.'

Hamlet, Chicken of Denmark: 'to cross, or not to cross'

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I didn't know which one to cross."

'Mom, am I my brother's peeper?'

"You can stop worrying about winding up in a fast food meal. You have an incurable disease."

"Henrietta, go pluck yourself - you're on skins."

Sympathetic nursing will work wonders

Dog Hunting Trophies.

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"He's no hat and all corgis."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

'Jurassic Pork.'

''What's in the bag, lady?''

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"Pssst. Fake poop."