Chessboard Courtroom Chicanery T-Shirts

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Unfettered Corporate Campaigning.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Bailiff."

Planet of the Lawyers

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Portrait of a Serial Attorney.

"I'm not leading the witness; I'm winding up my segment on heinous crimes!"

Justice 4 Ron

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'Oh, he's been a bad dog all right - why else would he lawyer up?'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

"At least he's honest about it..."

"What makes me a great attorney, as opposed to an adequate one? - My brother, the judge."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'Yeah? -- Well, there's a thin line between being a strict constructionist and being a stupid jerk!'

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

Two lawyers in a royal court

"I told you we should have had separate trials."

"Thank you, Nathaniel. I think you, too, are a very scary young lawyer."

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

'Sir, we have a problem. The attorney section is totally overcrowded!' (demon to Satan)

'I will not have the species card played in my courtroom, Counselor.'

'Tragically, Mr. Cornwell was unable to afford a personal ethicist.'