Chemical Concoctor Gifts

'Well, we turned water into wine. Anyone remember how?'

Toadstools

Tabletop Theatre

"Boss is coming! Discover something!"

'What? You used a Welshman? The recipe specifically calls for a scot!'

Witches of Instagram

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

'Think, son! What was that formula you fed that tree?!'

Crop duster wanted.

"Do you want a drink or do you need a drink ? We're very busy...."

'Try my health brew...1% fat, no cholesterol, high fiber and low sodium.'

'This low-alcohol beer doesn't taste bad with a scotch in it.'

'I don't like the mediciney taste of this mouthwash either. I hate that taste of eyes of newt and turtle brains first thing in the morning.'

"You'd be amazed how just a little soybean meal adds to the protein content of powdered bats wing and next tails."

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

"This may be the beer, Zoloft, Rogaine, Cialis and Avapro talking ... but I feel weird."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

"Not moonshine - small batch, artisanal grain alcohol."

"This mixture of herbs and spices will rid the casa of ghosts! I will send them fleeing into the night!"

Gin-etic Engineering

"What a coincidence, I'm an influencer too!"

A sign at a bar above some stools reads "Express Stools (3 drinks or less)".

"Any cocktail can be a shrimp cocktail if you just set your mind to it, and if you carry lots of loose shrimp in your pocket."

Cooking.

"Should we add sodium to hydrogen?"

For Witches of a Certain Age

"Glad you like the beer. I put a little Prozac in it."

'...well Martha's just converting some alcohol to acetaldehyde and then to acetate, and then to CO2 and water but I can get her to call you later...'

Self-Raising Flour

"Do you think terrorists could ever poison the vodka supply?"

"However, the change is spectacular on the molecular level."

"No more science parties for you!"

Blue Blazer

Kekule was predestined

"I'm from the president's office. We want you to develop a truth drug."