Checkpoint Chuckles T-Shirts

Border Guard

"Of course it's not clean energy -- We don't have clean ANYTHING!"

Only One Item or Fewer.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

Saving for Retirement.

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'I told you nothing was out of joint but your nose.'

Way too much anthropomorphising

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"How much of this stuff can I eat before it can no longer be returned?"

Mountain escalator.

'I was told there would be no un-dressing.'

Sod orf, midges...

'Blimey, you must have charged for the trolley as well!'

'What about change? Do you have any change in your pockets?'

Oh, those are just photos of my first 1,000 kids – I haven't shown you the second 1,000 yet.

'Which eight do you want?'

'Is it my fault the supermarket trolley had a mind of its own?'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'I'll admit it, Hank, that's the worst backlash I have ever seen.'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'

Unfortunately, the dominant lion was also a very picky eater.

'I do admire your honesty in your garden planning.'

"Don't drink that natural spring water! The aquifer's polluted with agrochemicals!"

"I never use the Express Lane. I like to keep my money a little longer."

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

"... Oh, he's the fastest in the west alright... The fastest out of the saloon when it's his round!"

"Oh, that's a tricky one...now let me think...'Would I like a carrier bag..?' hmm..."

"I'll be handling the instant replay calls on your bodycam footage."

Light Mayo

12 items or less. 12 items or else.

"I'm a green thief."

Lots of people helping out with the self-service machine.

"Would you like me to help you pack, or throw your shopping towards you at such a speed, you experience both stress and annoyance?"

'Sorry, there are more than eight frozen peas in here.'