Check-up Challenger Gifts

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Who wants to be examined first?'

'Now this is exactly what I was referring to when I talked about 'scope creep'.'

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'I suppose the word 'patient' is used because that's what you have to be!'

Empty Calories Vending Machine.

"So what brings you in today?"

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

Please seat to be weighted.

"I've got a lot of stuff, a ton of coupons, and I pay by check, so all you behind me...get comfortable!"

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

A footballer is having an eye test.

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Edna's Doctor Fantasy

Brain Check

"When I ask 'What is the nature of your complaint?' I am referring to your health, rather than the selection of magazines in the waiting room."

An Ace of Hearts going in for a check-up.

10 items or less

"This is doing nothing for my abs."

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

'As many items as I want or no customer!'

"I'm hoping my stethoscope is broken."

"Your good cholesterol has come under the influence of your bad cholesterol."

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

Elderly couple bearing a sign: '...We take ages.'

"We'll need to vent your spleen."

"What is your ideal weight?"