Chat Show Lover Pillows

'It's carpal tunnel syndrome. You're going to have to quit your job working the bleep button for the Jerry Springer show.'

"Here's what I want to say, Tony: You, me, everybody in our industry can make a difference. There, I've said it."

So! Graham Greene.

"It went blank, then I missed Oprah, figure out the rest!"

Trial by Media

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"No Hand Sanitiser"

Menopause and the City

Comedy, Tragedy, Karaoke

War Heros Variety Night (playing a tune on his medals).

Clownton Abbey

Good Morning Britain

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? What's with that senseless riot in Baltimore? What do you mean? America has a long history of self-destructive riots in response to police brutality. It's senseless to call it senseless. A city is like a human body. If you feed a body an awful diet of abuse and unaccountable cops, that body's eventually going to have a massive coronary. In short: Learn your history! And eat oatmeal! Oat ... What? What are you talking about?

'Would you believe, all this is just part of a new reality show?'

Alan Davies.

Joe Hundredaire

"Well, Clive, what I REALLY want to do it wait on tables."

"C-Span is our reality television."

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

"Both the movie and I will be released this summer."

Sue Perkins

Bunny TV.

Richard Hammond.

"I was just talking to Charlie Rose in my head."

"First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole, you're on Rudolph. What's your problem?!. . . And before you speak, lt me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem."

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

The phantom of the Oprah.

Big Brother - Final Series.

Welcome to the Ask Sadie Show, Christmas-Eve eve edition. First caller is Rudolph, from the North Pole. You're on, Rudolph. What's your problem?! ... And before you speak, let me just remind everyone that I spent ten years as a detective specializing in tracking down prank callers and mercilessly destroying their self-esteem. Click. I will ruin you, "Rudolph"!