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"But before we continue let's pause for a few moments of madcap wit and zany one-liners."

'Step One...a pie chart is not dessert.'

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

'Fancy a swift half?'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Lady sees door sign next to ENT: 'Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes'.

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'I'm all tired out from creating - let's just use NATURAL selection from now on.'

"Actually, they all look alike to me."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

tax

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Keyboard in Heaven

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

"Mom, are we vegetarians for ethical or religious reasons?"

'It's too LATE to show remorse!'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

"I don't know. I just don't think this 'bowling' thing will work."

'Bless you!'

Pluto Named Dwarf Planet

"I keep getting into a flap."

"What's all this I've been hearing about the Cloud?"

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'