Charles Darwin Pillows

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

"Any idea how long your family might be visiting?"

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

"No, you definitely wouldn't get Christmas Eve off."

En garde!

'Ok you two, where the hell is Dancer?!'

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

Geezer.

Sales

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"The other reindeer sent me back to the smoking section."

'Now that we can talk, let me give you some advice....'

'Take it from me, and come back. The future is definitely on land.'

Evolution on the brink

"Great Perfume!"

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

Selling salt lick lollipops to reindeers.

En-guard dog.

"I had that fish for so long it evolved, climbed out of the bowl and walked away."

For Crying Out Loud I Am Not Rudolph

'As you wish Santa. But if we allow them to share our bed only once, be prepared to put up with them every night!'

Self-driving sled

'Our vows didn't say anything about hedge fund mis-management!'

'Sorry, I don't do bailouts.'

"Armstrong, you're the cheapest cheapskate on earth." "Not yet, but a man can dream." "This toothache is killing me but I have no money and no insurance. Do you know where I can find a really cheap dentist?" "Of course. I can give you my guy's name. He works for peanuts." "I’ll get a pen." "You’ll also need a passport and lots of penicillin."

Acupuncture.