Charisma Seeker Pillows

Today's alpha-lesson is "Become a Vapor." Wherever you are, be it a broom closet or a baseball stadium, carry yourself as if your body fills the entire place. Greet people with you arms out wide. Have a wide stance. A booming laugh. A wide-open smile. Becoming a vapor is the best and most legal way to mark your territory.

"I'm going to be rich, famous, and irresistible to the opposite sex any day now, Randy." "I think you've had one too many hot cocas, little buddy." "No, really. I've written a note for my descendants and buried it in a time capsule in my backyard." "Once they read it, they'll time-travel back to the 20th century and genetically engineer my embryonic self." "They'll bestow me with superhuman charisma, epic good looks, and money-management skills." "You're forgetting that to have descend

'Leadership is about character. You can't just talk the talk. You also have to tweet the tweet.'

Pop Quiz: Can you identify the magic ingredient separating the man with "powerful geek mystique" from the plain old-fashioned nerd?

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

Zenemies.

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Astral Projection

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Needs to get a life"

Tiny Visions

"All we have left is standing room only."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

My God, I need to fart.

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"