Character Performer Pillows

"Remember -- you're a mutant sea urchin, and your parents never loved you."

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Pirate

"Extreme miming"

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

Fish, singing: 'I'm a sole man..'

"To save time, I'll just mention the people I’m not thanking."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Tina Turner

Ralph Rackstraw HMS Pinafore

Magic Tricks

Midsummer Night's Dream

Encyclopedic Novel Slam.

'We'll send you to acting class when you're older. For now, get up and get ready for school.'

Music Hall Dancers

"How come there's no feel-good performance art?"

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'I'm sure I could lie on my back waving my feet in the air if I could play the saxophone.'

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

'Is there a psychiatrist in the house - the cast is very depressed over opening night reviews!'

Interpretive napping

'Man it's a tough crowd tonight!'

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

'And the Dance Scholarship goes to...'

'When Johhny told everyone he was going to be a comedian they all laughed...'