Chalkboard Analyst Gifts

"Stop being creative and discover something already."

'Hence, there is a direct relationship between how the ball bounces and the way the cookie crumbles.'

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

'But I digress...'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Turkish Democracy

'I trust these equations settle the argument, Professor Lang. It's your round.'

"And now, a little theorem for all you lovers out there."

'If your calculations are correct, this completely revolutionizes everything we thought we knew about why chalk squeaks on a blackboard!'

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

"I sincerely hope you learned a lesson this time, Mark. Drawing cartoons on your homework will get you nowhere in life."

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'May I say it's a great pleasure to present my work to such a distinquished assembly of my colleagues.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

'I'm afraid the numbers don't lie Norton, we're definitely nerds.'

'This part was tenure.'

Geeky looking guy looks at incomprehensible mathematical problem: 'And this equation proves beyond doubt that I have wasted my life.'

'There's no delete key. You have to use the board eraser.'

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"I've thought about what you said, about how plate tectonics will kill us all!"

'The growing disparity of income is a tribute to our acumen.'

"This may be Malcolm Gladwell talking, but we were married on the wrong day!"

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

Everything You Wanted to Know About Stats ...

"Now that I've made that perfectly clear..."

'But if you need someone for the intangibles...'

'Every team needs a role player. And your role on this team, Bill, is to sit at that desk and crunch numbers.'

"Well, here's your problem. You need an O right there."