Chairlift Jokers Pillows

Skier.

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Bed Spread"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

The nutritional devils and angels on your shoulder.

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

'I'm pretty sure this thing wasn't a @$#%& health hazard when I was drying my underwear on it!'

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

Obese man using a exercise machine. His false teeth are flying out.

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

Caution: high speed treadmill, hole in wall behind it

"It's improv night."

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

'Do you feel the burn?', 'Yes -- in fact, I think my pancreas is scorched.'

'When did the treadmill replace the rat race?'

"Sometimes a tightness in the chest can be a sign of high blood pressure. In your husband's case, however, I just loosened his belt a little."

"Cruz! Are you eyeballin’ me? Eyes shut during savasana! You hear me? Lance, get up and give me 10 headstand pushups to help Cruz here shut her eyes."

"At least you made it into the hallway."

Clive would be lost without his morning heart starter.

"I feel so much more relaxed since I punched out my yoga instructor!"

'If I get dizzy, and pass out there's a cherry danish in my lunch box.'

'Well my lightest ever was 7lbs 4oz. . .'

'This is my favorite machine in the gym.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

How's the writer's block?

"I love my job. It's people laughing at me I can't handle."

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"