Ceos Gifts

"I'll start thinking outside the box when the box is empty."

"Let's never forget that the public's desire for transparency has to be balanced by our need for concealment."

'Speaking for myself and every other right-thinking person...'

'My mom says it's okay to talk to strangers as long as they're not Accountants or CEOs.'

Clowns in the board room: 'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to, well, pie.'

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs then found out the fire in my belly was acid reflux."

"No need to remind me. I'm well aware that I've forgotten completely about you."

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

He was forced to take early retirement.

'Remember, it's not a lie if it makes us money.'

'If things don't improve, we'll have to close 3 plants and lay off 50 employees or ask you to live a little more simply.'

Reception - I believe you wanted to see the man in charge.

'I'm bringing you into the decision-making process, Ruggles. Here -- flip this coin.'

'Miss Jones, bring me my scruples.'

'The company I ran was non-profit, but that wasn't intentional.'

"It was right here where we put the entire department of steroids."

'We've reached the thirty percent cut in operating expenses you wanted and we're the only two left in the building.'

We should promote many of our staff to management positions...

'Callers will be answered in the order of their Fortune 500 ranking.'

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"A simple 'NAY' will suffice, Gransby, instead of 'Oh HELL no.'"

Screwing The Littel Guy Since 1937

'Let's hope the new norm means that less really is more.'

"Call me in six months ... I'll be gone by then."

'This makes our merit pay system so simple.'

'We're finding out that those 'wrongs' we made 'right' were actually right after all.'

'You're a two-faced, back stabbing, bootlicker who wouldn't hesitate to sell his own Mother for profit, Penderton. If only we had more like you.'

'Gentlemen and Ladies, today we're going to get down to nuts and bolts...'

Support our C.E.O.s.

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

Man to goose: 'Your speech on getting all your ducks in a row gave me goosebumps.'

'They've dealyed our IPO so long that we've gone from intending to open a chain of pre-schools to opening a chain of nursing homes.'

'This computer can trick people into thinking it's human.'

'Jones, I have asked this officer to arrest you on the grounds that you are a serial time killer.'

'Well you said you wanted to be a director!'