Cell Comic T-Shirts

'Hey, rat, most of us use our one call to contact a lawyer, not Crime Stoppers.'

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"Nice try Kevin, but you've put all your laundry into the dishwasher!"

I grew up vegetarian. Wow. That takes work to stay strong. What motivates you? Hey, lettuce brain! Peer pressure.

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'A Telegram, M'Lord.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."

"Nothing to worry about. A nuggetectomy is a very simple procedure."

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

Golf cart in the hospital.

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

"One checker, two packs of cigarettes, two screws, one teapot bird, one piece of coal, three lighters, one Christmas light, one clove of garlic, four boxes of matches, two books, three pieces of broken dish, eggshells, one saltshaker peg, one pen, one cre

'I try to get this place smelling of cat and she wants it to pong of lemon.'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"You've been out roaming again?"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Whale Pattern Balding,

What has really happened in the desert...

Repent! End of World is Near!. . . Wait for World's End at Joe's Bar & Grill.

Plane annoys penthouse apartment.

'A second opinion? I'm trying to think if I know any vets...'

'This call may be ignored for sanity assurance.'

Man trimming beard with cello bow.

The jungle natives called Randolph Ancient Krakatootoo

We aren't talking about you -- I said "ribbit"!

"The living room aquarium? No, I have't bee near it."

"I'm on a grape-juice cleanse."

"The good news is I rescued your cell phone. However, all your minutes were used up."

"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. If at some point that's no longer true, we will disconnect."

"Why do companies put you on hold and then play that awful, garbled recorded music...?"

Tarot reading