Celestial Helpline Users Pillows

"We are currently experiencing a high volume of calls but your prayer is important to us so please stay on the line and one of our ....."

"Good game."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Ghostwriting the Bible

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

"...Ooh, I wanna know more about your dark side!"

Father

'I can't stand his 'holier than thou' attitude.'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

Jenga!!!

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"Sadie, they found a planet orbiting Proxima Centauri. That makes way over 1,000 planets we've discovered in my lifetime." "It must be exciting for you, discovering there are 1,000 worlds full of people who can't possibly know what a doofus you are." "...Unless they've got telescopes." "It is exciting. Now I know how you must've felt when Oog the Caveman discovered Venus." "I see you're bringing what passes for your 'A-game' today."

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'It was a split decision.'

"Any requests?"

'They're still ticked off about losing the cost-of-living allowance.'

Brushing cobwebs off the moon

'Me? Twinkling? -- I thought YOU were twinkling.'

"Oh, yes, he's bad. But in a good way."

'Everything's heavenly! How about you?'

'-and I'll tell you something else-it beats playing the harp!'

"I miss fine stores everywhere."

"User name and password?"

'I told you I refuse to be born today. I don't want to be Aries.'

Fortunes. . .$20, Impressions. . .$10, Clenches. . . $5, Wild Guess. . . $2.

'Hey, it's Heaven, why wouldn't we cash in on that?'

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

I agree it's kind of sad...but it was just a matter of time.

"You had me at sextile moon."