Celebrity Strategist T-Shirts

"Being crucified is really hip! The last guy who did it upon my advice is now an immortal superstar!"

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

'I sent out for everything.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

"So the plan is to fly everyone for free. But we'll charge $400.00 per bag."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

Robot Parts $5

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"Gentlemen, we're missing a great opportunity by not hitching this company to the current tailspin."

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'