Celebrity Roaster Prints

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Vanna White: The Later Years.

Tom Hanks

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

Joe Henry

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

How I met your mother

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

"Is Madonna amazing or what? She sings, dances, and acts, and now it turns out she's a writer, too."

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'Don't you know who I am?...I've decided to pursue a career as a celebrity, so I'm developing the basic language skills used in the industry.'

Amy Winehouse, up in Rock N' Roll heaven.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

"Once again, the epicenter seems to be Christian Slater."