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"I don't care if Lassie lived in it. It's not worth 500 grand."

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Hi, my name is Bruce Wayne, but not THE Bruce Wayne!'

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

Hooray for Bollywood!

'It's one of the candidates for baptism. Wants to know if he can hold the hand that shook Elvis's hand above the water.'

Leo McKern

'I don't know about you, Clyde, but I'm getting a mighty uneasy feeling we could be riding straight into an ambush interview!'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Hollywood or bust!

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

Viggo Mortensen

"How is it that Mick Jagger still has the energy to be Mick Jagger, but you're exhausted just from being you?"

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

Meryl Streep

Pete never wanted the fame that came with being a national symbol...he just thought it was a good way to meet girls.

Dua Lipa caricature

"Alright be cool. We're just gonna ask for an autograph and be on our way."

"It's our latest celebrity scent, it's called Elon Musk. It smells like money!"

Rachel Anne McAdams caricature

Principal about Justin Bieber Junior High school: 'I was against letting the students name the school.'

Elton John

"I've decided to redefine as a GREAT artist."

Arnold Schwarzenneger caricature.

"Kanye's changing his name. I'm thinking he should go by Cra Z."

"Does it come with magnets?"

Emma Watson

As Seen On TV

'It's true: I was hunting with the King himself last week...'

Peter Gabriel

Daniel Day Lewis

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"