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Benedict Cumberbatch

"I think he was a celebrity."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

Could you see anything in her? I certainly couldn't! (Man's eyes are popping out of his head).

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

"Of course I'm dressed like a cheap w***e! It's Halloween! Duhh!"

"Yoo-hoo. Fifteen minutes of fame is about to start."

"This number goes out to all the little people I met on my way back down."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Bryan Ferry

Little Red Riding Carpet

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'For the actress who benefitted most by rehab...'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

Young boy thinks he's spotted an old rocker.

Tom Hanks

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'