Celebrity Crush Enthusiast Pillows

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'Gosh, really? You've never been on any reality show at all?'

"Snow White swears by these 10 products for flawless beauty."

Bryan Ferry

Tom Hanks

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'Don't ask questions, Ralph, just tell me who you'd rather look like - Sean Connery or Robert Redford.'

"My spokesperson won't speak to me."

Astrological forecasts of the rich and famous

Leo McKern

'Get me public relations!'

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

The Acme Agency: "Dedicated to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Media Exposure."

"An appointment? Let's see... She could fit you in before breakfast TV, or after lunch on Radio Two, or between Radio Four afternoon and the Drive Home SHow..."

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Hollywood or bust!

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

The Month of June