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"All the good ones are either married, gay or Viggo Mortensen."

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"This may surprise some of your viewers, but I didn't actually want to go into the box."

Little Red Riding Carpet

You know how Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are known as "Kimye," and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are known as "Branjelina"? I think we should combine "Lance" and "Gloria" into either "Lania" or "Glance." What do you think? I think I won't be needing a menu now, as I'll be busy gagging.

A dog has inflated the family cats with helium and they are floating on the roof.

Person carrying balloons and plants.

Maps to the homes of guys with friends who know some of the limo drivers of the personal trainers of the stars.

"Aristophanes explains comedy"

Madonna's London stage debut.

Alicia Vikander

'Sounds like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed.'

TV-Mirror.

"I don't know what that is, either - it could be the Olsen twins."

"Two Cagneys and a side of Garbo to go. Hold the Bogart."

"I hate it when he gets all Robin Williamsy."

Welcome to celebrity hell.

Monica Bellucci

"How do you handle being a rock god?"

"Are you new around here?"

'...and to you, he has left his leprosy.'

"We're talking to Mr. George Arval. He has in his arms the first royal diaper. An amazing catch from the third floor balcony if I must say so."

A RINGO DOORBELL

'You asked for the 'Cartoonists' Cut'. You got the Cartoonists' Cut'. What's the problem?'

'And that's not all, everyone in the audience today is going home with a brand new Buick!!! Oh wait...That's next Tuesday.'

Liz Hurley

Dennis Hopper

'He's been like this ever since he found out that he's a Rare Breed ...'

'It was horrible! †I dreamed that Rosie and Donald Trump were fighting over me!'

"She feeds me the same stuff every single day, yet I can't help approaching it like I have NO idea what it could possibly be!"

'One down, four to go, Katie.'

"Ralph said he'd give up cigars if I gave up Prince Charles and Di."

Woody Harrelson

'You are tuned to the 24 hour Paris Hilton Channel.'