Caveman Diet Devotee Pillows

I asked a lady if she wanted to grab a kale smoothie with me. She totally ignored me. Of course she did. Very few ladies are interested in a guy who latches on to the latest fads. It suggests you've got a roving eye, and you'll leave her for someone new later on. Most women like a man who's "classic." Solid. Reliable. Unmoved by the ever-changing winds. That's why I eat nothing but nuts, berries and hippos. If it was good enough for the cavemen, it's good enough for me. I thought cavemen ate bro

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

Those Were The Days

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The invention of taxidermy."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

The First Cone of Shame.

'I gotta lose some weight.'

Pre-Historic Gentleman's Duel

'Ever since we invented the past tense, she brings the past up all the time!'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

Used wheels

Reinventing the Wheel

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

'I'm tired of playing 'Rock, rock rock'.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"Too much club."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"If you order from our wellness menu, you get a side of yogurt with every dish."

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!