Cautionary Strategist T-Shirts

'When it comes to investing, I'm not bullish or bearish... I'm chickenish.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

No Immediate Danger

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

Corporate Ethics Department, how may I help you?

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

Out.

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

The Contrarian funds

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

Targets

"Until we know more about the nature of the threat, we should stay calm and wash out hands to keep it from spreading."

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

President Obama: 'You're saying, we go back to a cash only economy, and if that doesn't work, the barter system!'

Meanwhile, at the E.C.B. ...

House of Cards - Europe.

Cat Trap,

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

"Bottom line - don't forget to lie."

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

Bear bends hunter's guns.

"Measure twice. Wipe once."

"It's great, Heidi! All the privacy I want without locking the door...And they probably won't figure it out until I'm in college!"

How David Really Won

All Eggs in One Basket world headquarters

"What about this: we steal from the rich and give it to political action committees?"

Disaster relief - the experts arrive.

'People are basically good, Henderson. We can use that against them.'

'You see, if we learn to swim upside down, they won't see us coming...'