Cautious Strategist T-Shirts

"Our low risk portfolio concerns extend to sanding off all the sharp corners."

"Judging by the belt and suspenders, I sense you're a risk averse investor."

"I think he's gone a bit OTT with the social distancing!"

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'Tomorrow's special is fish, so wear the flounder suit.'

"The economy's been worsening for a while, but people still don't feel it, Rudy." "...Which means we still have time to get in on the despair action." "Despair action"? "We're going to expand our menu. Add more comfort foods, more 'sale' items, debt consolidation loans..." "Nobody's dumb enough to get a debt consolidation loan from some random guy." "Ha ha hoo hoo hee-"

"Or we could raise your profile by coming out with that pimple on the end of your nose."

"But will it distract the public's attention enough that they mindlessly buy our products?"

"There HAS to be a giant ball at the end of all this string."

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"My favorite tea: hot daffodil-infused chamomile with a hint of whiskey. Are you serious? Of course I'm serious! I've been dosing myself with small quantities of poisonous daffodil ever since 1931. You have to build up an immunity if you want to survive in the cutthroat world of Scrabble tournaments."

"Saturn. No contest. A deadly, treacherous gas giant ringed by a gossamer halo of ice. It symbolizes both death and life. Both evil and good. It symbolizes existence itself."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."

"And when conventional theories don't work, we've got Charnier here to do us a spot of voodoo marketing."

"My mommy suggested I try a different advertising approach."

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

Bob liked getting involved - but not actively involved.

Targets

For 29 years, Bert's strategy had been to reach retirement without making any waves,missteps or career-limiting moves. And it might have worked, too, if only he'd foreseen the fossilization risk.

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

"I'm in advertising. . ."

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

"Timing is everything. I recommend that you act now before the authorities discover I've escaped."

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

Cat Trap,

'I'd like to play, but I'm afraid it might void my warranty.'

Tortoise Goes For A Swim

Bear bends hunter's guns.

"On reflection, it might be prudent to leave this one till last..."

"Looks very promising. Put us down for one half of one share."

"Bottom line - don't forget to lie."

"He wants the cat for his next trick. I'd be real careful about this, Eileen."

"I'd fire him in a minute, but the old man thinks we need his unique perspective around here."