Catch Up Services Prints

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Opening the door to new customers

'Did you just hear that? We are now and endangered species and mating is now our top priority!'

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"...is somebody playing Wonderwall?"

'Do you come here often?'

The Exhaustive Bro Catch Up

"There's someone sleeping in my pew, and she's still there!"

Socially responsible kid throws rubbish in the bin.

"What do you mean the message wasn't directed at me, the Pastor said my full name three times!"

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Aha! - there's a nice spot for a picnic..."

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

A footballer is having an eye test.

"Does it occur to you that the only thing separating us is a basket of bar snacks? And a flimsy basket at that?"

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

Brain Check

"Well, I have some good news and some lab results."

Devil in the first pew of church.

'You only caught one?'

"Fancy joining the mile low club?"

"When I ask 'What is the nature of your complaint?' I am referring to your health, rather than the selection of magazines in the waiting room."

"Your good cholesterol has come under the influence of your bad cholesterol."

An Ace of Hearts going in for a check-up.

"Want to bitch for one more lap?"

'It's just a side effect of the anti-anxiety medication. Try not to worry your pretty little head about it.'

Airport Personnel We'd Love to See Call in Sick

'Excuse me, Miss, but I believe that we've met previously.'

"My wife doesn't understand you."

"You're in excellent health...until we can prove otherwise."

"We'll need to vent your spleen."

Xmas wrapping paper blower.