Casual Wine Critic T-Shirts

"Ahh, wine. Grape juice that went on to earn a graduate degree."

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

Wine Lady

'My luck, I buy a bottle of wine from 450 B.C. and it's still five years from reaching maturity.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

'So much for your theory that mixing two 50-point-rated wines equals one rated 100.'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Don Quixote

F&E Diner. Beer. Wine. This wine paralyzes the taste buds --- It goes with anything!

"I detect a subtle bouquet of money."

"Quick swig first?"

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

Pick me! 2002 was a very good year! No! Me! I'm excellent with beef and fish. Desperate House Wines.

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Are you sure this wine is ten years old?' - 'Yes, I remember opening it ten years ago.'

Wine tasting

Red Wine

"When a wine rates over ninety, this is not alcoholism."

I never heard of chunky style wine. I couldn't find any seedless grapes.

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

Bluewater security man stopping baby with hood.

'Could I just get one that's wine flavored?'

"Wine is plant-based food."

"Hey! Waiter! This is a dessert wine!"

'Okay, you've got a mouthful of minerals, grapefruit, herbs and grass. Is it starting to taste like a sauvignon blanc?'

"It tastes and smells just like a glass of wine!"

'Really, Bob, the Wine Fairy?'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

I'll pretend I know anything about our wines, if you'll nod and pretend you have a clue about what I'm talking about.

"The fifth wine has bright apple and pear notes, with just the barest hint of a blinding headache."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'