Casual Jokester T-Shirts

'I wouldn't say I'm apathetic, I just don't give a hoot.'

"My shirt is off."

"Have you heard about the procrastinator's club? I'm thinking about joining it one of these days."

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Infinity Tavern

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

A crab with a utility knife claw

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

The Female Brain and The Other One

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Men dancing

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

"You idiots … we lost!"

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'