Casual Host T-Shirts

"I still haven't cleaned up from the party."

Please Leave by 9

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

'She'll never look for me here.'

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

"How are you enjoying the job?" "Oh, Ilove the job...it's the work that I hate."

'All right!! Bull's-eye!'

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

"I said, 'I'm not on duty! I just came back to get my flip-flops.'"

"I'm feeling adventurous today, Penny – let's tack on a block."

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

'Oh, just my old war injury acting up.'

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

"Sorry, boss, I do care if I ever get back — that was just the peanuts and Cracker Jack talking."

"I've got a very responsible job. If anything goes wrong, I'm responsible."

'This one is for not intervening in countries that don't threaten us.'

"Don't worry. These rosés are still fresh."

The Awkwardly Informal Meet Up Group

'There's nothing worth watching on TV, but he's not going to let a little thing like that stop him.'

"Sir, you said that it's high time to fix the problem, so I rearranged the furniture, watered the flowers and made fresh coffee. If that wasn't enough then maybe we should find some problems that fit our solutions."

Man with t-shirt 'I *spade* my dog'.

'Take it for stress. It helps to laugh at yourself.'

"This was the best school day of the week!"

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

'Was it your idea to have it catered?'

'Who wants to play celebrity rant?'

"Oh, sure, I remember him. He was quiet, mostly kept to himself, paid the rent on time. You know, we were only married for sixteen years."

'Company wargames weekend 1986.'

"I have half an hour if you want someone to get sucked into your drama."