Casting Critique T-Shirts

"I'm sorry. We don't want a ring-tailed lemur. We want a ring-tailed-lemur type."

'He really wanted to get into the zombie role, so he became a Meth-Head actor.'

Department of Theatre, Film and Television: Lights...Camera...Unemployment!

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

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"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Why you've never heard of Ricky Rat.

Can't Touch This

'I was up for a part in the Producers...'

"And what else do you think you can bring to the role of Edmund, Earl of Gloucester?"

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

Can't Touch This

Christmas TV...

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics! (Published originally on February 9, 2013).

"BBC One’s Casualty has reached its 1000th episode. The long-running hospital drama is apparently very popular with viewers... But even more popular among jobbing actors."

"The script isn't funny, but maybe if we put some unfunny actors in it and get an unfunny director it will be funny."

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

Casting in the swamp.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

"I'm thinking action roles might not really be your thing."

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

Charlotte Rampling

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"Well, you're certainly on our short list."

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."