Tv Critique T-Shirts

'We've got to stop him watching Robert Peston.'

'Can you see anything in her? I certainly can't.'

'... And now, the sports gossip.'

Just when I think violence on TV can't bother me anymore, that chef goes and debones a chicken!

McTV, 'It's all singing commercials.'

A contentious new report suggests that news programmes are being overrun by unnecessary visual gimmicks.

'This has the makings of their toughest season ever.'

Difference of Opinion

American Idle.

Man: 'How cute. He must like the movement.' Cat: 'There are some challenging themes here but little or no dramatic resonance.'

Stop! Stop what? Do not change the channel! Sex, death, harrowing footage of the most remarkable story you've ever seen, tattoos, rock-n-roll, action, action, action! It's all coming right up, right after this five second break for station identification. Five seconds ... You're watching Rock Television. And now back to our ... bored. Welcome to ABC. We've got thrills, action, more thrills ... Click. I've got your action right here. We've created a monster. Click click click click click cl-

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'What does it say, Dad?'

Can't Touch This

"I like it but does it get only the one channel?"

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"Stand up, honey. The president's on. You're committing treason."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

'It's not as impressive as it looks. He only watches fishing shows.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Can't Touch This

'Of course, I'm not one of those glamorous paleontologists who are all over TV these days.'

Christmas TV...

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

'What a strange episode -- they just voted Ricardo Montalban off the island!'

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

'Do you want to watch the weather/natural disaster channel, the nuclear proliferation channel, or the gun violence/Kennedy assassination channel?'

'I thought this was a documentary about animal cruelty.'

Meet John Henderson. - The only journalist NOT to have interviewed serial killers in prison...

"I suppose we have Judge Judy to thank for all this."

"You don't have to answer that."

'Well, kids -- I guess it all started to fall apart when they canceled 'Seinfeld'....'