Carry-on Comedian T-Shirts

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

"Ahhh... close enough."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

It's only firing on 87 cylinders!

"If your luggage is in your clothes it doesn't count!"

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"During our vacation my wife and I went to Paris while our suitcases went to Rome and Athens."

Moses comes to Los Angeles.

"Take me home now!"

"This is Siri. No, you're not there yet!"

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

'Hello, this is your captain speaking... I'm on the next flight!'

"Listen, and I'll explain it to you again..."

A signaller directing pallbearers

Trapeze artists commuting

Bob was headed on a long trip but had forgotten his suitcase. Luckily, the airport folks were one step ahead.

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

'We don't charge you any extra, but we will hate you,'

Martian Rovers find proof of intelligent life on the red planet.

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Riding instructor waits to fish a child out of jumping obstacle.

'Next time, spring for a little more, and get a GOOD GPS'

"Your new car won't start? Oh, well, umm…that's just the car's Collision Avoidance System kicking in. It doesn't want you to hit anything today."

Airbus

"Well, they did say half-board."

Need a Lawyer?

Metrocard error messages

Pine tree driving a truck with a human-shaped air freshener hanging off the mirror

'Turn right at the first $4.09 unleaded, then a hang a left at $4.03 unleaded, and over the bridge, past the $4.01 unleaded...'

"I get it...you went south for the winter. Now, don't you think it's time to ditch the shirt?"