Carpe Diem Aspirant Pillows

You're too late. Someone else already seized the day.

What else is there to wish for?

I want a calendar where every day says here and now

"I find you can't have too many man caves."

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'You've got the flying reindeer, elves, and a cheery laugh - have you ever considered being Santa?'

"I don't know which makes me happier: switching to natural gas to save money or watching the fight about fracking in order to get that gas."

"So, you're staying in then?"

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

Office Woman

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

'Sure, who wouldn't want to be a secretary. Secretary of State.'

'I don't usually deal with headhunters on jobs that pay $21,500.'

Salmon swimming up-stream, "Don't you get tired of overcoming obstacles"

Cross Channel Leap

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

'It's not the peasants, majesty! They're college grads seeking career work.'

Unpublished Authors of the Big Bangs Theory

"Can I pay you after I get my tax refund?"

"Great, just my luck."

SUPER DREAMER

Do something that takes your mind off smoking.

'Still polishing it? You're just too good to be true. What do you do with the brownie points up here?'

"Look! My first paycheck from my summer job!"

'So you won't be coming, Mother?'

"If you prefer to avoid the world—then this is the rock for you!"

Meditating

"Let's take our fun where we can find it."

If flies went to church

"Part of the old boy network?"

"I've decided to enjoy my money now and become a burden to society later."