Carefree Cook Pillows

"I never think about cholesterol when I'm on vacation."

'Have you guys ever actually read the directions on a box of shake'n'bake?'

'I vote we throw caution to the wind.'

Baloneystini

All-Candy Seder.

'Wow! School's only been out for ten minutes, and I've already forgotten everything I learned.'

'Just look at him- a fool and his money are soon partying!'

Picasso

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

"That's the deep end."

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

Whatever!

"They grow up so slow."

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"My summer vacation report contains descriptions of excessive sugar consumption, and unsupervised play. Listener discretion is advised."

'Now this how you handle the end of summer...'

Doug Kenney

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

Wife at breakfast: 'We're out of sugar - how about chocolate milk on your cereal?'

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

'I'm short of ingredients. What's a good substitute for filet mignon?'

'After 25 years of research we've concluded that you should just eat, drink and be merry.'

"Shopping was stress-free this year because I started early and didn't give a s**t what I bought."

"First the good news, there's no longer any point in you eating broccoli."

Recipes from the Revised Senior Citizen Cookbook

Helen was determined to get rid of her leftovers.

'Now I can see why our son's roommates won't let him cook.'

Tagliatelle

"You'll be perfect for this Emeril Lagasse recipe I want to try!"

Barbecue Man

Christmas jig

I thought I'd help your IBS by introducing you to more bacteria.

Woman cooking eggs by direct sunlight.