Career Education Gifts

"I'm a pastor. My job is to speak 20 minutes on Sunday and listen the rest of the week."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Reach for the Star.

International Women's Day.

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

Pipe Dream.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

37 years in the same position.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"I've just never worked anyplace where the 'alpha male' was a woman."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Do you think he's ready for the big round-up?'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."