Career Coaching Ninja Pillows

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"Looks like we found the issue."

Whats ticking away in YOUR filing system?

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Work/Life Balance

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

"I hate performance review season."

"I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone who's more likely to be followed than following."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

Bobby's pitching coach told him to put some stank on the ball.

"So what makes you think you're qualified for this job?"

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'When I was young, I said I'd make it big or know the reason why - Well, I sure know the reason why!'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"