Cardio Training Pillows

'You're almost one-eighth of the way there.'

'My feet are killing me.'

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'I love your cardiovascular system!'

Overjumpers

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

'We need you to get onto those high balls coming over'

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"Shake! Good Dog."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

Running

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Hanging off every word...